In 2013, I took a short sabbatical from my doctoral program. I needed space to decide whether I wanted to continue.
After a brief trip to New York to reconnect with myself and visit a friend, I came back refreshed. I'd assumed that once I felt rested, I'd be re-energized and eager to prepare for committee meetings about my dissertation proposal.
Instead, I was refreshed in a profound way that led me to a "no."
So in 2014, I left a PhD program in sociology on my own terms.
I didn't leave because I couldn't do it
By then, I'd passed my comprehensive exams, the academic milestone showing I had a thorough understanding of my three research areas:
Sense of belonging
The politics of social identity
The role of power and social location
I'd served as president of the Black Graduate Student Association at one of the top research universities in the Midwest. I tutored English as a second language for a local organization. And I worked on an external research project, connected to an Ivy League institution in my network, that uplifted the voices of Black elders in Panama.
I loved these research areas. I lived them, so much so that I have "Sense of Belonging" tattooed on my left shoulder.
But I had to face a truth: academia didn't have a monopoly on these topics. I could pursue this work outside the ivory tower. If anything, my doctoral program taught me that belonging, identity, and power are directly tied to mental health.
How do you know if you should quit your PhD?
There's no single right answer, and only you can make this call. But some questions can help you hear yourself more clearly:
When you rest, what happens? Do you come back wanting to dive in, or does rest make the "no" louder? For me, rest made the answer clear.
Is it the work or the setting? Do you still love your subject but not the program, the advisor, or the culture around you?
Whose voice is loudest? Are you staying because you want to, or because of family expectations, funding, fear of judgment, or a sense that leaving means failing?
Can you do the work you love another way? Many paths lead to meaningful work in your field, inside or outside academia.
What is your body telling you? Chronic exhaustion, dread, sleep trouble, or getting sick often are worth taking seriously.
Would a pause help? A leave of absence or sabbatical can give you space to decide without making it permanent yet.
If you're a Black student or a first-generation student, the pressure can feel even heavier. You may carry your family's hopes, the weight of being one of few in your department, and the fear of confirming stereotypes. Those pressures are real, and they deserve space in your decision.
Leaving a PhD isn't failing
My path, leaving academia at that particular time, doesn't have to be anyone else's. I believe in a diversity of paths for the human experience. Some people finish their PhD and thrive. Some take a break and return. Some leave and never look back.
In my own story, I spent years doing community organizing on the ground, then returned to school much later to earn my degree in social work. Leaving one program didn't close the door on learning. It opened a different one.
I carry everything from those years into my work as a clinical social worker and EMDR therapist today.
How can therapy help when you're thinking about leaving academia?
Therapy gives you a place to sort through the decision without anyone else's agenda. A good therapist won't tell you whether to stay or go. They'll help you hear your own answer underneath the pressure.
It can also help with what often comes with grad school: burnout, perfectionism, imposter feelings, and the sense that your worth depends on your productivity. And if you do leave, therapy can help with the identity shift and grief that can follow, even when leaving is the right choice.
EMDR can be especially helpful when the pressure traces back to older experiences, like being told you had to be twice as good, or memories of moments when you felt you didn't belong. As those memories lose their charge, decisions often feel clearer. For busy academics and professionals, I also offer EMDR intensives, focused 3- to 6-hour sessions that fit around a demanding schedule. EMDR Intensives for High Achievers
I offer weekly therapy online anywhere in Michigan, so graduate students at universities across the state can work with me from home. Intensives are available online or in person in Southfield.
Why I share my story with clients
I consider my path a point of relatability for clients. I've been through big life transitions too, and I've felt the internal and social pressures that come with them.
Professionally, I take part in ongoing consultation to make sure I'm in right relationship with how much I share, and that I can properly recognize transference and countertransference, the feelings clients and therapists can bring into the room from other relationships. I balance that with something a former consultant reminded me of: the significance of intersubjectivity and relational connection, which is common in feminist therapy approaches.
If clients are curious about how I take good care of myself outside of sessions, they know they can always ask. If you schedule a consultation, please know you're free to ask, too.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to want to quit your PhD?
Yes. Many doctoral students think about leaving at some point, especially during exams, the dissertation stage, or after burnout. Wanting to quit doesn't mean you're weak or unqualified. It's information worth listening to.
Will quitting a PhD hurt my career?
Not necessarily. The skills you built, like research, writing, teaching, and critical thinking, carry into many fields. Many people go on to meaningful careers after leaving, and some return to school later in a different direction, as I did.
How do I tell my advisor I'm leaving?
Plan what you want to say ahead of time, keep it honest and brief, and focus on your decision rather than defending it. You don't owe anyone every reason. Talking it through in therapy first can help you feel steady going in.
Can therapy help with grad school burnout?
Yes. Therapy can help you understand what's driving the burnout, set boundaries, and reconnect with what matters to you, whether you stay in your program or not.
Resources
Your university's counseling center: most graduate students have access to free or low-cost sessions on campus.
Your graduate school's ombuds office: a confidential place to talk through options like a leave of absence.
Michigan Crisis and Access Line (MiCAL): call or text 988, or call 1-844-446-4225, available 24/7.
Related reading: How EMDR Therapy Works on Your Brain, EMDR Intensives for High Achievers, and Free guide, EMDR: An Introduction for the Curious
Let's talk
If you're in Michigan and you're weighing a big transition, in academia or anywhere else, you don't have to sort it out alone. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation, and we'll talk about what you're carrying and whether working together feels right. And yes, you're welcome to ask me questions, too.
Schedule Your Free Consultation
Be well…
This post is for educational purposes and isn't a substitute for therapy or medical care. If you're in crisis, call or text 988, call 911, or go to the nearest emergency room.
